Boys on the Bike Path

[susanstinson]

On Wednesday evening, I was riding my trike on the bike path to go to the house of friends for dinner. Near the beginning of the path, a group of maybe twelve or so boys (junior high age? or high school?), came out of the wetlands on their bikes and gathered in a big clump across the path in front of me. They were some distance away, but, immediately, I heard the overexcited, loud voice of a kid looking my way and saying rude things about my body, intended, I think, both to be heard by me and so be hurtful, and also, for sure, to be noticed by his friends for wit and nerve in breaking the ordinary rules of how people treat each other.

He decided it would be funny to break away from his friends and ride his bike as hard as he could directly at me, looking me right in the eyes, and yelling, "Aw, shit," over and over. It was very theatrical, the joke being that I was so huge that he was in terrible danger that I would crush him. He actually was putting both of us in some danger, because that was some stupid bike riding. I just kept going, so if it was also a game of chicken, he lost. It played out without other commentary -- his friends didn't laugh or move, at least until, glaring and relieved, I finally rode by the big group, and a couple of them muttered something about heavy machinery.

Dinner was beautiful and abundant. So good to see my friends.

I haven't replaced my bike light yet (it's $60, and when I took it into the shop, they said to try cleaning the corrosion on the inside with steel wool, but the result was that I went from having uncertain light to none at all), but I'd brought a flashlight to strap to the handlebars with bungy cords for the darkness of the path, away from streetlights, on the ride home. First I had it strapped wrong, so all of the light went up into the trees, but it was pitch dark at the start of the path, and I rode off the edge into dirt right away because I couldn't see. So I adjusted the light. The part of the path that goes through Florence was easy, since there were lights from the town to help me see, but just before I got back to a darker section, a rider with no lights, who, in my quick glimpse of him looked like another boy, slipped onto the path in front of me from the street. He stayed just in front of me for the rest of the path, and I had to keep adjusting my flashlight to catch his reflectors so I wouldn't run into him.

It's almost poetry now: the shapes farther up the path, approaching or riding away, the kind of ugly thoughts they pulled out of me, and also the beauty. One of the things that sticks with me is how clearly I saw the first boy, the one who charged me, as I stared into his face. I saw his moment of calculation before he started yelling. I had on sunglasses, so he would have missed my eyes, but my face must have been so present for him, too. And then, on the way home, the flickering shape in front of me, comfort and obstacle both, maybe wanting to stay on the asphalt with my little capsule of light, maybe wanting the company, too.

Comments

[leah-puppette.livejournal.com]

OH Susan.... my inital gut reaction to this, let me at them! Let me get to those boys and shake them and say "what the fuck is wrong with you and didn't your family raise you right?" but the reality is that the most important thing is your safety.

Living in NYC I am spoiled by the richness of diversity of every kind and that mostly people tolerate each other and that nasty comments are few and far between (although it does happen).

My response to those kinds of things are usually to offer a big smile and say "have a nice day" and it usually leaves them speechless but along a bike path I suspect I might have been somewhat afraid.

It sounds to me like there was one asshole in the bunch.
Sending you big bike hugs!
xxxx

[susanstinson.livejournal.com]

I know, Leah, anger and yelling make so much sense as a response, but they're not my usual first reaction, and, it's true, didn't feel particular safe. I like your big smile and "have a nice day." I murmured, "peace, children," as I went by the big group, which I often do when I get the meanness from the kids, but, although that's really what I'm wanting, for me, for them, some peace, and although it's their childishness that makes it easier to see the desperation in what they're doing without absorbing too much of it, I think saying that aloud might also feel really provocative, like an insult, like it touched something too raw in them, and might make things turn uglier. "Have a nice day" is much better that way.

Thanks for those hugs.