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[personal profile] susanstinson
Here are some other things that happened at Nolose:

I got a big blast of fierce fat beauty and drank deeply from what Lilli Lewis called the well – all of that hot, hard work – writing, thinking, talking, organizing, singing, hustling, sewing, crying, tap-dancing – that so many people have been doing was right there for the taking. And, I did, I took plenty.

As I was talking about in comments with [livejournal.com profile] beatgoddess a few posts back, many who read my lj gave me a lot of precise, tender-hearted, utterly convincing and much appreciated praise about my physical self and what I wearing. I do know my beauty (even if I doubt my quotient of coolness -- an essay in itself someday), but a fat woman can never have too much of that. [livejournal.com profile] fattest said, "You look stunning this morning," at breakfast. Breakfast! [livejournal.com profile] lovelikeyeast tucked a twenty in my neckline when she bought my book – hey, a five dollar tip! Then I immediately got two more!! There was so much sweetness about shyness of all kinds, so many chances there for the taking for anyone who wanted to stretch a little. And it looked to me as if folks who knew each other through lj were particularly willing and able to have conversations and make connections across lines of age, gender, life experience, sexual proclivities and personal style. [livejournal.com profile] fattest has long been one of my models on how to do that.

Tensions that arose around some of those differences reminded me about how much fat people need each other, and how much work some folks (like the Nolose board) have been doing right at those points of tension to build contact and offer their gifts as widely and respectfully as possible, with emotional presence and openness, mind and balance. I think of [livejournal.com profile] beccawrites in that, because I've seen her the most in action (and because I've developed such deep affection for her watching her live, work, play, think and feel -- she's amazing) but know that others have been working enormously hard from their vantage points, too.

I very much loved spending time with old friends and others I didn't know, loved seeing the faces of those I didn't get a chance to really talk with. The amazing Mo and Susan brought me a big red umbrella that they won at the Nolose raffle two years ago, all the way from California, and a great pair of stretchy little pants. I especially appreciated the transfolks bringing their radiance and perspectives. And being around fat people who talk openly about their pleasures and struggles always reminds me of the stunning work of early fat liberation activists like the Fat Underground (that's a link to the fat liberation archives on Largesse), and the gifts that radical lesbians gave me in the early eighties when I was trying for the first time to find my own core strength.

Nomy Lamm gave a thrilling keynote speech that took on a lot a taboo subjects in a smart, refreshing way. Then she whipped up her accordion and did a room rocking rendition of "Fat-Bottomed Girls" (yep, the old Queen song), followed by a totally amazing and world spinning rock star version of "Free Bird." (You know the one – "and the birds they can not chaa aa aaa aaa ange.") She and others are organizing Phat Camp for teenage girls – check it out.

Taboos were being broken all over the places. [livejournal.com profile] beccawrites facilitated a very well-attended discussion of ableism in the fat community that respectfully, productively went places I'd felt that some fat activists – but not all -- had been avoiding for years. And it can and will go further -- some of [livejournal.com profile] ericaceous's good questions about strategies and next steps will start to get answered, for instance -- but it made an opening for the conversation to be more deep and broad I think.

I was so happy dancing on the dance floor and to Creamy Goodness, and also in the pool.

Folks from Toronto -- Pretty Porky N Pissed Off (that's a link to a great article about them by [livejournal.com profile] charlottecooper) and KingSize Kings -- did some amazing drag, culminating in a tap dance in skin tight, white outfits with bands of shiny stuff to -- as I learned only after I came home (because what do I know about pop culture? just what I learn on ABC, the only TV channel I get) – an Eminem song. I didn't have to get the irony, because the whole thing was already so amazing and entertaining.

I read as part of the closing panel, which was an honor and a gift. It was a combination of writers of very different styles. Being given that time with all of those gorgeous, radical, proud and getting-there fat queers in front of me, a chance to offer my work in such company – nothing in the world beats that.

Plus, I'm now a Chubster. Chub chub chub chub…

(no subject)

Date: 2004-07-17 07:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] purejuice.livejournal.com
this is beautiful, as was the antonio post, as good a description of community as i have ever seen.
it is said that brazilians are as nice as fat queers.
every time my baby smiles i go to rio.....

(no subject)

Date: 2004-07-17 09:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanstinson.livejournal.com
Thanks, juice. I'm sorry to have missed you in DC.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-07-17 11:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beccawrites.livejournal.com
chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuub!

:)

thanks susan!!!

:)

(no subject)

Date: 2004-07-17 11:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanstinson.livejournal.com
I've been waiting for that!

(no subject)

Date: 2004-07-17 01:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beccawrites.livejournal.com
::grin:: yeah, i was surprised i was the first to post it!

(no subject)

Date: 2004-07-17 04:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanstinson.livejournal.com
Well, it's Saturday and all.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-07-17 01:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fattest.livejournal.com
chuuuuuuuuuuuuuub!

xoxo

(no subject)

Date: 2004-07-17 04:16 pm (UTC)

apple hard

Date: 2004-07-17 03:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] queentushy.livejournal.com
chuuuuuubbbbbb!

soon to be a chub

Date: 2004-07-18 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beatgoddess.livejournal.com
Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuub!

xxooxxooxxoo

And dearest S: I write you this telegram to tell you I think you're very cool. Naysayers beware!

Re: soon to be a chub

Date: 2004-07-18 05:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanstinson.livejournal.com
These really are telegrams, aren't they? Coolness is kind of like a huge ice field for me, and I'm not sure I can make it across -- and wouldn't I rather stay home safe and warm, anyway? -- but your word on the matter has a lot of weight.

Re: soon to be a chub

Date: 2004-07-18 02:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beatgoddess.livejournal.com
Interestingly enough, coolness is a lot like an ice field for me, too. Sometimes there are good enough reasons to get across an ice field, and sometimes they're just not compelling enough. With that said, I have three options available to offer (with no obligation for you to choose): invite people we like to go sliding around the ice field with glee and then melt it with hairdryers after we're done; stay indoors and drink cocoa and play scrabble and watch the snow fall on the field; let me tell you a story about an ice field.

Re: soon to be a chub

Date: 2004-07-18 03:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanstinson.livejournal.com
Good options. And I'm glad I got the story without having to choose.

Re: soon to be a chub

Date: 2004-07-18 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beatgoddess.livejournal.com
Thank you; clearly, I figured you could always delete the story if you didn't prefer to read it. xo

here's the story about an ice field

Date: 2004-07-18 02:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beatgoddess.livejournal.com
When I was barely nine, I found myself in the CCCP. There were many reasons for the trip there, and one compelling reason was my parents wanting me to see the world firsthand. The hotel in the first city we stayed in was isolated like a dark little island at the cusp of town. I wanted to go to the berioska shop, so I snuck out of the hotel. Between me and the berioska was a giant field of ice and a culvert and a dirt road. It looked a lot less looming when I was with the adults, but I was determined to get across. It was sundown and the sky was maroon. When I got a fair way out, the wind caught me and my feet began to skid as if I was on skates. The wind blew harder and I couldn't feel my fingers or my face. I couldn't move or I would fall, I couldn't stop or I would freeze. My muscles started to harden and I was paralyzed and afraid. I started to crawl towards the berioska. All at once, I was lifted into someone's arms. It was a soldier in full uniform with red accents I could still see in the low light. He was very tall, his feet were fast and didn't slip. He didn't say much, and I didn't speak Russian. He lowered me very gently down the culvert and smiled at me. A mimeographed Russian phrase sheet taught me spassiba the month before, and I said it as he turned tightly and disappeared back across the field. I thawed out inside the shop, and armed with a few new trinkets and surer footing, I climbed back onto the field and gritted through the wind and ended up in the hotel with throbbing cheeks and a big smile.

I wrote a poem about it several years ago. Moral of the story is that it's probably worth it to cross an ice field if there are little nesting dolls on the other

the sentence that got cut off

Date: 2004-07-18 02:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beatgoddess.livejournal.com
Moral of the story is that it's probably worth it to cross an ice field if there are little nesting dolls on the other side. But few other reasons exist. xo

Re: the sentence that got cut off

Date: 2004-07-18 03:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanstinson.livejournal.com
Good to have someone show up when you're crawling on ice. And that's a good story, little nesting dolls and all.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-07-18 04:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beatgoddess.livejournal.com
I *heart* little nesting dolls. So much.

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